Friday, September 26, 2008



1) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." 
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" 
Customer: "No." 
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" 
Customer: "No." 
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." 
2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." 
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?" 
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" 
3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done." 
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." 
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." 
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." 
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" 
Customer: "No..."
4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" 
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" 
6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." 
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." 

9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly." 
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." 
14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
16). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his
Computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply. 
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. 
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let
me know how it goes. 
10 minutes later. 
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. 
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using? 
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with 
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the 
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later. 
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he 
started asking questions about the make of power supply. 
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and 
may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? 

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